Before You Match — We Eliminate the Wrong Ones
Excellent matching starts by unmatching. As therapists, we filter out what won’t align so what does can thrive
What Is Intentional Unmatching?
As therapists, we’re trained to catch the subtle signs of mismatch — before you invest your heart. That means identifying the kinds of relational gaps that apps and questionnaires often miss. It’s not about being picky — it’s about being protected.
Our job is to protect your heart and your energy by saying no to the wrong match so you can say yes to the right one.
Unmatching includes:
Attachment theory explains the way we bond with others — and how early experiences shape our approach to closeness and intimacy.
Avoids Mismatched Dynamics
Flags conflicting visions for partnership, lifestyle, or long-term compatibility early in the process.
Prevents Misaligned Goals
Avoids pairing partners who have different needs for closeness, space, speed, or emotional availability.
Honors Relational Boundaries
Avoids pairing partners who have different needs for closeness, space, speed, or emotional availability.
Protects Emotional Energy
Filters out the kind of match that feels exciting at first — but ultimately drains, destabilizes, or disappoints.
How We Spot The Wrong Match
Some people check all the right boxes — but still leave you feeling unseen or off balance. We screen for misalignment early, before emotional effort gets mistaken for connection.
Beyond the Swipe
Emotional Fit
How each person connects and regulates emotions. Without mutual attunement, tension builds quickly. We match for compatibility — not just chemistry.
Relational Tempo
Some open up fast, others take time. That’s not wrong — just needs to sync. We match rhythms so no one feels rushed.
Emotional Maturity
It’s not just about desire — it’s about readiness. We look for people who reflect, repair, and grow. Otherwise, spark turns into shutdown.
How We Spot The Wrong Match
Some people check all the right boxes — but still leave you feeling unseen or off balance. We screen for misalignment early, before emotional effort gets mistaken for connection.
Beyond the Swipe
Why We Say No — So You Don’t Have To
Most people don’t realize when they’re about to repeat a painful dynamic — especially when attraction is strong. That’s where we come in. As therapist-matchmakers, we recognize emotional blind spots early. If we know a match won’t be safe, aligned, or sustainable, we say no — before it costs you peace, energy, or time. We’re not just looking for what fits. We’re filtering out what quietly fractures connection. Because every great match starts with thoughtful discernment.
Unmatching Reflection: 5 Self-Inquiry Prompts
1. What relationship dynamics tend to drain you — even when the person seems “right” on paper?
When you’re used to emotional overwork, mismatches can feel oddly familiar — not alarming. We’re trained to spot the disconnect early, so you don’t waste months trying to earn the wrong person’s effort or attention.
2. Have you ever confused chemistry for compatibility?
Attraction can feel magnetic — but that doesn’t make it safe or sustainable. We look beyond charm and intensity to protect you from repeating relationships that initially feel exciting but ultimately leave you anxious and unfulfilled.
3. When have you ignored an inner “no” — and what happened next?
Sometimes it’s easier to stay hopeful than to walk away. But that quiet discomfort you feel? It’s wisdom. We listen to that wisdom for you — and unmatch before you override your intuition and settle again.
4. What needs do you tend to downplay to keep the peace?
You might shrink your voice, dismiss your feelings, or move faster than you’re ready — just to keep someone close. We notice when someone can’t meet those needs and step in to protect your emotional bandwidth.
5. How do you justify staying when something feels off?
Maybe you tell yourself it’s just nerves — or that your standards are too high. But we see the pattern and name it early, so you don’t rationalize your way into another painful almost-love that never lands.
👉 Ready to see if you’re unmatching wisely?
Take our quick Intentional Unmatching Quiz and learn whether you’re filtering out mismatches — or still getting pulled in by chemistry alone.
Why Unmatching Matters in Matchmaking
Most services ask: What are you looking for in a partner? We ask: What keeps pulling you toward the wrong ones? At Matched By Design, we don’t just screen for attraction — we screen for alignment. Our therapist-trained lens helps us identify emotional mismatches, unhealed patterns, and red flags that might not show up on a profile — but will show up later in the relationship.Unmatching early changes everything. Because the strongest matches often begin with a wise no — the kind that clears space for someone truly meant for you.
A genuine connection starts when you stop trying to make the wrong fit work.
Why the Spark Fades — But Real Connection Stays
Most apps ask: “What are you looking for?” But the real question is whether you’re ready for it — and if the other person is too. A spark can kick things off, but it doesn’t mean they know how to stick around.In your 20s, you’re setting the tone for how you’ll love moving forward. Quick chemistry feels fun at first, but you’ve seen how fast it burns out. That’s why we look for honesty, effort, and the ability to grow together — not just sparks that fade.
At this stage, clarity isn’t just refreshing — it’s a game-changer.